Single women in hot pursuit of good men with eligible traits are beyond frustrated because good men are as scarce as hen’s teeth. Yes, there are loads of available men out there, but the challenge is finding one that ticks your entire checklist for a husband-worthy man!
You’ve probably dated your fair share of men but they all came with hard-to-ignore flaws. From men who were commitment-scared, to unrepentant cheats to the psychopaths, you’ve dated them all. Frustrated and despondent, you wonder if you are doing something wrong or if good men have gone extinct!
Reasons Why You Can’t Find a Good Man to Marry
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1. You are Stuck on Mr. Perfect
You may not have found a good man to marry because your expectations are way too unrealistic to become a reality. While it isn’t bad to have a “type”, you should understand that there is no perfect man as humans are generally flawed beings. So you need to water down your expectations and learn how to compromise.
Don’t be fooled by fairytales and fiction because reality is a different ball game. You need to accept that a “good man” may not be your “ideal man”. He may not be as good-looking or as successful as you’ve painted him out to be. So let go of your dreams and accept the traits that matter.
Watch out for good traits like kindness, intelligence, wisdom, ambition, and confidence. So long as his perfections outweigh his imperfections by a large margin, then you should give the relationship a chance. Be realistic about your expectations and stop chasing shadows and fairytales.
2. Your Ideals and Principles are Driving them Away
While it is perfectly okay to have life principles and ideals like feminism, you may be communicating the wrong message to the men you date. Men tend to avoid women who come off as intimidating and overly independent.
Your attitude and conversations may give off the “I don’t need a man and can do it all on my own” vibe, and this may dissuade a good man from driving the relationship forward. But don’t get it twisted, you can hold on to your principles and ideals, but don’t be extra about it.
Show a good man that you are willing to let love lead and he will be yours in record time. Learn to have two-way conversations and be agreeable. Understand his principles and find a common ground. Otherwise, good men will continue to steer clear of your path.
3. Hookup Culture has Taken Over the Dating Scene
No thanks to dating apps, casual dating has replaced good ol’ traditional dating. Two consenting adults can get laid with a click of a button without dinner dates, ice cream hangouts, and all other romantic adventures.
Men are no longer interested in conventional dating and would rather say yes to a quick hook-up than endure a proper relationship. Hence, some fewer available good men value marriage and everything that comes with it.
That said, you shouldn’t prioritize dating apps in your quest for finding a good man, because your chances of finding a good man on there are quite slim. You may luck out and find one who is an exception to the rule, but keep your eyes open!
4. There is an “Emotional Baggage” Pandemic
Most men are lugging a load of emotional baggage around that stems from a long list of short-lived relationships. This is one core disadvantage of the hookup culture, as men meet and create experiences with a plethora of women within a short period.
And while some men claim to go into these relationships with no emotions attached, they are subconsciously exposed to a myriad of emotions with heartache topping the list. Sometimes, these men lose their sense of purpose and reap immense dissatisfaction that gets bigger with the next woman they meet.
So sometimes you can’t find a good man to marry because most men are emotionally exhausted. However, you can get through to an emotionally tired man through meaningful communication and an open mind. With luck, you can break down those exasperated layers and uncover a good man!
5. You are too Desperate for your Good
You may not realize it, but your tireless hunt for a good man may be showing in your attitude. Your deep yearning to find a man who makes butterflies sing in your stomach may have reflected in your outward demeanor, and though your intentions are well-meaning and harmless, it may be off-putting to the good men.
Desperation is far from attractive. It is a major relationship deal-breaker for most men. You know you are getting desperate when your first date conversations revolve around marriage, kids or how you can’t wait to join the mom’s club. So if you don’t hear from a man after your first date, this may be the reason.
But how do you keep desperation at bay? It’s quite simple; take deep relaxing breaths before each date and make a committed effort to learn more about your date. Try not to make the conversation all about you and bear in mind that it isn’t the end of the world (if one date doesn’t work, another will, so no need to be desperate or anxious).
6. You haven’t Evaluated Yourself
Sometimes, you get what you give! You can’t be looking for a good man with impressionable qualities if you aren’t a good woman yourself. Many men want a woman who brings value to the table. And this isn’t about looks or physique, you could be drop-dead gorgeous and still be unattractive to a good man.
So you need to make a conscious self-assessment and evaluate your likable characteristics. Are you goal-driven? Are you smart and knowledgeable? Are you kind at heart? Are you generous to a fault? Are you honest? These are some of the questions you need to provide sincere answers to before you go searching for a good man.
If you find that you are lacking in self and career development, it’s time to make some improvements. Best believe you are more likely to attract a good man if you are an asset yourself! So work on becoming a good woman before finding a good man!
The Bottom Line
Good men aren’t as scarce as you think. They exist and you simply need to learn and unlearn some things to find them. Most importantly, remain optimistic and reevaluate your thought process and value offerings and soon you will be walking the aisle with a good man!
Read Next: Why You Should Learn Your Person’s Love Language (mamabee.com)
Photo by Brooke Cagle and The Paris Photographer